Codependents often fall in love with alcoholics or build relationships with other individuals they believe need to be cared for (Beattie, 1992). For example, a codependent man helps his girlfriend whenever she comes home drunk. He dresses her, puts her to bed, and even helps her get to the toilet if she needs to throw up. If she wants to stay home the next day, he calls her employer and creates an excuse. The codependent’s actions often reinforce the addict’s behavior. The codependent’s self-esteem may be bolstered by being needed. Thus a vicious cycle is created.
Trust and openness are present in healthy relationships. For example, a man returns home late one night. His wife cheerfully asks where he has been. The man responds, saying that he had to work later than usual on a big project. They happily share the rest of the day with each other.
A codependent relationship may include jealousy and competition. One woman realized she was codependent after she quit her job as a model to answer the phone. Her purpose in doing so was to monitor calls in case women called for her husband, who was a sex addict (Beattie, 1992).